Out of touch, out of share ?

Whether we like it or not, we all tend to share things first with our immediate/active circle(of friends) before inactive or slightly inactive(out of touch) one irrespective of whome we are closer too.

It might sound simple and obvious but it never fails to make me think, what does this mean and if this is a good thing etc. This means that if you are not in touch(regular) with your best friend or very close friend at some point in time and you feel like sharing something then you'll reach out for someone whose in touch with you(meets you, talks to you more often) instead of that close/best friend whose not in touch.

Firstly, does it happen with everyone ? Secondly, what do you think about it ?

The Expectation Trap

For as long as I can remember I have this strange problem of expecting people(especially close friends) to do things in a way I would have done had I been in their place. Needless to say I've been disappointed more times than I remember or can count. On the face of it, it's not that big a deal to expect people to act in the way I would have acted had I been in their position, for ex: I need some help from close friend in a particular situation, then I would expect that close friend to help me to the extent in which I would have helped in had he been in my position but trust me, it's really a great deal(full of disappointments).

I get particularly fed up when people(read friends) fall way short of expectations and behave in the most weirdest of ways. Add to this the fact that through most of my life I've given equal(almost) importance to my friends and family but many a times I have felt let down upon. Maybe it happens with everyone but I certainly have had my share of such experiences. Be it closest of your friends or people who met you somewhere on the crossroads of life and happened to get along enough to hang out for few months or years. The sad bit being I am not yet able to identify any pattern in this and thus have run into such situations again and again. I hope I am not this way to anyone I know.

Last two months have been really hard for me, harder than anything I've ever been through and I expected people around me, especially those that matter to have behaved in a certain way but I have no qualms in accepting that I've been hugely disappointed. Barring a couple odd people, most people have let me(and my expectations) down to the extent that now I regret spending the time I spent with them. I am cool about all other things but the time I spent(read wasted) on them, hanging out with them, listening 'em out and if needed offering a helping hand in their hour of need(or breakup as in many cases).

I know I might sound over critical and rude but more often than not people suck at communicating. They just can't communicate. I still don't understand how can people be like that. Some of my supposedly good friends either didn't call me to ask how are things or did it just once/twice in the span of 60 days and only I know what did I got to hear from those who did.
It was a surprising(which might be and I hope too it's wrong) realization that people are way too out of world to handle crisis like situations because of limitations in which they see things and how they approach them(within a restricted realm of possibilities).

On sharing the above mentioned with a dear friend I was told that it all depends on the type of individual, some people who are helpful and likes will be supportive, caring etc with all their friends alike(irrespective of who spends more time with time) while those who aren't, will be the same i.e at a superficial level. It sounds like a logical thing to me and I guess that's the case but if that's the case 1) why didn't I realize those people are like that and 2) I don't think I need more people of that kind in my life.

Moral of the story: If you can't lower your expectations, lower the number of people who fall in the area of expectation to lessen disappointments.

Friends First ?

It's a fairly common(and apparently logical) belief that two people who share an intimate relationship(affair, marriage etc) should be friends first and lovers later. The premise being "It's important to connect as friends first(sharing, caring) and getting comfortable before going a level higher i.e Love". While it sounds like an ideal thing it's not really as good as it sounds especially if taken literally.

From my personal experiences and observations of people around I've learned that one(especially guys) should never really become friend friend with their girls and instead be boyfriend friend. Sounds confusing ? Ok, let me clear it a bit.

At the start of most relationships there has to be a different way of approaching things especially between two same aged people of opposite sex. It requires both to be frank, honest, understanding, accommodating, caring and so on. It's not only like putting your best foot(read nature) forward but in some cases also portraying traits that aren't even remotely yours. Getting back to the main point, guys somehow know that they have to be a girl's friend before being her boyfriend and that's what they start being. While there's nothing wrong with this approach but like most medicines the dosage needs to be precise to avoid its side effects i.e you have to be a friend only to the extent that the situation(or girl) requires and not over do it. When a guy starts being more and more friend like in order to either impress her or try and be a more mature, caring, understanding guy(maybe in his own eyes only) he starts loosing it all together for reasons and is more often than not being taken for granted.

It's human nature to stretch things until some signs of cracks start appearing. To put things in context for example if the girl you are trying to woo starts talking about her ex(or ex's) with you and you like a good boy that you are actively listen and participate in discussions. Not that it's wrong or anything but it BEWARE: UNLESS YOU PUT A FULL STOP OR SHOW THAT YOU DON'T REALLY APPRECIATE IT, GIRLS WILL NEVER REALIZE HOW DETRIMENTAL THIS IS(OR COULD BE) TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

While being understanding (and showing it) is good, here also if you try to understand everything like it's your duty(or that's what love is all about) you are in for some trouble. Because unless you are truly great you pot of patience and understanding will start overflowing and you'll end up feeling bad because you feel your partner doesn't really understand you and is only concerned about his/her convenience and priorities.

I've seen use and abuse of "friends first" in many cases with each one different from the previous one. From what I've gathered, it's perfectly OK(if not good) if you are friends with your lover to just to an extent and not in totality. It's ok if you tell her/him to not talk about this/that(read past relationships) too much. It's ok if you tell her/him to not get too friendly with x,y or z etc etc because from my observations people who rather than waiting for their patience, understanding to reach their threshold tell their partners much earlier what's cool and what's not cool with them end up fairing better than those who don't.

I Believe

Found it on a piece of paper lost in oblivion

I believe
That no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn't stop for your grief

I believe
That wer don't have to change friends if we understand that friends do change

I believe
That no matter how good a friend is,
he's going to hurt yo every once in a while and you must forgive him for that

I believe
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life

I believe
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be

I believe
That you can keep going long after you can't