Sunday, August 26, 2007

What Women Want....

"Nice guys don't finish last" read a poster on the sets of sitcom
Joey. In fact that's how I first got to know about the popular phrase
"Nice guys finish last".

Nice Guy is a term in the general public discourse and in popular
culture for a male with certain personality traits and behaviors.
Many traits, both positive and negative are associated with "nice guys".
These traits include sensitivity, agreeableness, pleasantness,
considerateness, respectfulness, altruism, understanding, kindness,
sympathy, dependability, honesty,trustworthiness, passivity,
sexual cautiousness or inexperience, chivalrousness, effeminacy,
passive-aggressiveness, conflict-avoidance, "wimpiness",
"spinelessness", being "whipped", manipulativeness and submissiveness
.
-- Wikipedia

From my experience I feel girls/women in general do tag some guys
as "Nice Guys" and from what I've gathered, it essentially means
that women find these people Harmless, Helping, Caring, Comforting
and someone with whom they can share things close to their hearts
and be themselves
.The chemistry that thus develops between girls
and "Nice Guys" is quite conspicuous and it gets people to start
thinking that Girls prefer "Nice Guys".Next and the obvious thing is,
guys trying to be nice or pretending(at times going out of the way)
to be nice. Till here it's as simple as ABC. But the climax of all this
is the question

"Whether nice guys are attractive to women or not".

Apparently there is a huge variance in women's stated preferences
and their actual choices in guys. That is they say and
show(or maybe believe) that they like "Nice Guys" but while
making a choice they often tend to do otherwise.

While one research claims that
"many 'Sensitive' men do not believe that women want 'Nice Guys'
due to their personal experiences"
other says
"women are less likely to have sex with men who are 'nice' than
men who are 'not nice'"
and another says
"women looking for long/committed relationships prefer the 'Nice Guys'"


By now your brain cells must have started firing and you
are thinking what's the real deal.. Now what if we add
"Women like when guys are nice to them,
but only when they don’t have to be
" to the concoction ?

To make things worse add the concept of
"Nice Guys as Intellectual Whores".

Intellectual Whore (a man whom a woman befriends only for the
intellectual stimulation he gives her). A theory goes on to state that
women seek two things an aggressive sexual partner and an
intellectually stimulating or entertaining partner. It concludes
that if these qualities cannot be found in one single man, a woman
will seek out two (or more) separate men to fulfill all of her needs.
The nice guy only fits one of these categories.

and perhaps thus the above mentioned discrepancy between saying and doing.

Is there any set pattern or it differs from case to case ?
Whatever it be, but then can someone really say what goes inside
a girl's mind ?

Poll Time(girls only):
1) You meet two men. One, Rahul, is nice but somewhat shy and
has not had any affairs. The other, Ribhu, is attractive, a lot of fun,
and has had history with 3 women. Both wish to date you.
Whom do you choose?
2) Whom will you choose a nice guy or a fun/sexy guy ?

Trivia:
1) The term "Intellectual Whore" is derived from a short-story by
Woody Allen called The Whore of Mensa'.
2) "Women like when guys are nice to them,but only when they don’t
have to be" roughly translate into something like "Being Nice at
times but not always ..."
3) I am somehow reminded of a dialogue from the film
"Manorama 6 feet under"
"Yeh aurat bhi ajeeb hoti hai, agar galat marad mil jaye
toh saari zindagi roti rehti hai aur jo sahi mil jaye to usse
saari zindagi rulati rehti hai"


Links:
1) Nice Guy
2) The Nice Guy Paradox Solved
3) More on Whoredom
4) Average Frustrated Chump

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

~once bitten, twice shy!~

Once a girl gets her heart broken by Ribhu, she realizes, how things wud be diff with the nice guy 'Rahul' ! ;)

kaa said...

hmmmm... this is food for thought..

what would be a guy opposite to a nice guy be like...?
unpredictable, extreme emotions (will prolly slap and make love within an hour), and off course being not nice is great protection for the lady from other males.

nice guys have stability, predictable so less risky, etc. so i think any girl will prefer nice quys when the going gets rough in the relation. while she'll prefer a not-nice guy in a disco.

Anonymous said...

Women picking and staying with the wrong men is the single biggest mistake women make. It's the most common reason why thousands of women can't find the love and fulfillment they're looking for. Women don't develop a connection to the nice guy and the "connection" is the magic ingredient for attraction with most women. And perhaps that is why, most women fall for bad guys...but ultimately, if they have bin able to grow out of that bad relship...or if they're lookin for a genuine long lasting relationship they would want to go for the "rahul" kind of a man... For me...I might wan2 change Mr. rahul to a lil bit of Ribhu:) cus lets face it...a bit of bad stuff is tempting!!

Anonymous said...

C'mon! Who doesn't like a little surprise in a relationship? A nice guy can sometimes be too dependable. You know exactly what he is going to do. Also, any emotion, even annoyance, can be fodder to get that attraction jump-started.
I am a nice girl. Genuinely and hopelessly, but the day I did a not-nice thing, it was liberating. I am no longer a slave to what I "should do". And I appreciate a man who can be honest enough to acknowledge what he wants to do, and not just what he should. It keeps the guilt levels down in a relationship, even if the annoyance element becomes stronger.
So, yeah, I like bad boys when being bad simply means taking care of oneself.
Aggressive, rude behaviour, however, remains a HUGE turnoff!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious , Interesting & Enlighting !!
Yeah agree with the author and specially "women's stated preferences and their actual choices " being quite difference simply because most women are too confused to know what they want :-)

BTW in today's 'Instant Food world' where people junk jobs and other stuff too quickly.... it's gotta be easir for a nice guy ;-).... A lil confused lady might just junk Ribhu's soon when they get bored or the ging gets tough & then might fall for the Nice Guy.
;-)

Mayank said...

So the stage is all set..5 comments
2 guys and 3(or2) girls...

Anon: While I think there are cases where this happens but at times I've seen Nice Guys too walk out of certain relationships courtesy
non consenting parents etc etc

Kaa: Ya, probably that or a Hot Casanova or maybe a Cool Rockstar, who knows what the girls want and is ready to give 'em all until the going gets tough..

Smriti: It's good to see you acknowledge that women tend to make this mistake..I think I know what you mean when you talk about "connection" and you are kinda right as at times that happens. I agree that it's always better to have a bit of Ribhu in Rahul but but but Does it always take a Bad Relationship for a girl to realize the worth of Rahul ??

Zindagi: Quote{
but the day I did a not-nice thing, it was liberating. I am no longer a slave to what I "should do".}

Bang on target. It actually brings out new things, things you didn't know ever existed. Which is very intoxicating only till the point it doesn't overwhelm you.

Its Great that you said {I appreciate a man who can be honest enough to acknowledge what he wants to do, and not just what he should.} Guys/Girls should be like that doing

Anon 2: Thanks for those kind words

hahaha @ Quote{"....simply because most women are too confused to know what they want :-)}

Women/Girls don't mind this but I(and almost all guys) think that you aren't sure about certain deeper instincts/tendencies but expect guys around you to understand them(even when you yourself aren't sure of them)

quote{A lil confused lady might just junk Ribhu's soon when they get bored or the ging gets tough & then might fall for the Nice Guy.}

Sure Anon soon the lady(or ladies) will fall for the you(d Nice Guy) :)

Anonymous said...

I think you got it all wrong. Nice guys aren't some geeky ramblers who'd not even know how to talk.

I consider a nice guy to be classy, polished and sexy. Just because they are nice doesn't mean they can't be fun and jovial.

The other kind is bad boys. They do what they want. Pretty rough and tough, laid back and spontaneous.

And then there is the third kind who just can't even look at women in the eye. Shy...? may be. Nervous... may be. Intimidated...? may be.

Now, whom would I pick....? Depends on how they approach. I am huge believer of first impressions. So they better make it good.

yatender said...

i know a girl who by looks is gorgeous but first time i met her she was nervous even to talking to me and i have always thought i could be the last guy a girl can get nervous to talk too , but later i found out that she was a orthopaedic handicapped so talking to newer people who don't know of her handicap was difficult job for her , but otherwise she was as much talking as any other girl, but she used to hang around with a guy who is such a asshole u could not match him with her , but what i know of her is she feel secure with harmless guys i never asked her about the kind of guy she really wants to be with but once she told me that numerous times many boys were bad towards her

kaa said...

also sharaafat is either due to choice or majboori

Ankur Shanker said...

Nice post Man! quite funny!

Mayank said...

Reema: I agree with you that Nice Guys are necessarily not those who don't know how to talk etc.Ofcourse Nice Guys can as well be Sexy n Fun to be with..

The case discussed here was of Nice/Good at heart guys who are not that funny/sexy blah blah...

BTW how have you been faring with the
first impression thing ?

Yatender:
What do you think, that girl prefers Nice Guys just because she thinks they are harmless or there's something other than that which leads to that preference. ?

Waise what sort of girls do you prefer Nice or Fun/Sexy ?

Kaa: Bingo and I think these days it's mostly due to majboori

Ankur: Thanks Buddy

Anonymous said...

I could not agree more. In my earlier life (read school and college) i was a complete vagabond; it was quite easy to attract girls and then one fine day I decided to become a nice guy and....

I can attest that women like to be with the guys who can create high drama in their life. They need something to talk about and believe me you cannot talk and think about perfect thing for very long. Boredom pitches in...and breakup happens.
Women love attention and best way to attract lots of attention is to have a boyfriend who does not treat her well.

Nautilus said...

Very interesting post and quite funny! Nice guys definitely don't finish last - I can vouch for that:)
As for the poll, I can see why Ribhu would be attractive to a lot of women! Bad boys have that reckless charm that turns on some women. But personally I'd date Rahul! Nice guys sometimes hide a mean streak you know! ;)

Mayank said...

Sudhir:

hmmm...
hmmm...

Well I don't think we can generalize that this is the case with all girls...Maybe this is the case with girls we come across ;)

But yes, I feel their is something irresistible in those not so nice guys that entices girl beyond understanding....

Nautilus:
Thanks..Thanks
Good to know that even our Rahul also has some takers..

Hope there are more like you :)

Anonymous said...

I think it's a very interesting subject, and really liked the text.
And about the poll...i would perfer both! Because that's what a girl is looking for anyway (not two guys, but this good things each one have)