The Thing About Married Women

Disclaimer: The idea behind this post isn't to scandalize or judge anyone. It's just one of these things that I've thought about for a while. Nothing more and nothing less.

Why Married Women and not Married Men? Well, you know the answer already. *Most* married men tend to think more or less on the same lines. Which in short is "mauke pe chauka".

Married Women, however are a different species which come in almost as many varieties as you can think of. The context of this post is women who are on a lookout for something outside their marriage. One thing which me and a couple of my friends(with experience) agree to is that married women(on the lookout), take lying to a new level all together. While you can predict lies that married men might tell, you can't possibly imagine how married women could lie to get what they seek. They'll do things and plan things in such a way that their men would somehow end up feeling good about the whole thing than being uncomfortable. I've seen/heard a bit and I am shit scared of how this works.

While nearly everyone needs to know/connect/interact with different/new people various people take things forward differently.Women want men in their lives almost as much as men need women in theirs, it's the needs however which differ. As per my understanding the need to have opposite gender can be categorized into four categories.

1. Physical
2. Intellectual
3. Emotional 
4. Social

Apart from these four needs is another need for change/something new

When you are married (or even in a serious relationship) with someone, chances are that at most two or three of these four needs would be taken care of (exceptions of 4/4 are always there however rare). It is the missing need(s) from this need pyramid along with the universal need for new/change that are tricky.

Once you are missing something you need, first you unconsciously realize it and start seeking it and after a while you become aware of it consciously and get on a lookout. The four needs are self explanatory and many a times the seeker is aware(at some level of consciousness) of what they are looking out for. However, the other person in question, the friend/boy-friend etc has a tough time making sense of what's going on in their relationship or whatever you may call it.

Married women have their own ways of seeking the missing needs or having someone new in their lives.

Some of the ways include

1. Social Networking Sites
   
   Connect with someone/many on Facebook etc. Keep liking, commenting(selectively) each others updates. Exchange pvt messages once in a while. That's the most the women will be comfortable with. No offline interaction, no meetings, no chances of being on the wrong side while still flirting with men
2.  Messengers
   Whatsapp/BBM take things to the next level. For those women who feel comfortable with taking things to the next level will add the guy on their messenger and chit-chat with them as per their convenience. Replying at will, not texting at odd hours, being careful with the language they use are some of the precautions to avoid any untoward questions by the spouse
   
   Social Media and Messengers can have different comfort levels for different women, while for some having a new guy Facebook is ok while for some having him on BBM is better than having him on Facebook.
3. Phone
   
   The more enthusiastic ones will avoid Social Media and/or Messengers (for the fear of being checked upon and not leaving an online trace) will prefer to keep things on phone. They are generally more sophisticated than the 1st and 2nd category ones. They precisely know what they are doing and what they want. Some ground rules like day/time restrictions aside they'll be the most comfortable on phone and will talk more openly.
4. In Person
   
   This is where the game gets Real. Talking on phone, whatsapping or private messaging on Facebook is all in air and can things turn around anytime. You might get unfriended, blocked or even the phone number might change leaving the guy in question with little left. If 60% of women would back out before Phone level, about 40% of those who move to phone level will never make it beyond that.

If you are a guy, it would make a lot of sense(besides saving tons of hours) if you could get to level 3 and 4 early in the game. If she is taking a lot of time to get on phone or meet, chances are she might take forever to reach where you want her to. 

Married women hanging out with someone often is more likely than not going to lead to more things. As always, exceptions are there everywhere.  Whatever you do guys, try to identify which need of hers is she trying to find in you. This will save you a lot of time and disappointment, if you are looking to get laid.

If she is looking to be emotional while you are acting all intellectual or being interested in laying her, things, might never work out. Conversely, if she is in it for sex (though women generally tend to not need sex by itself. They need emotions and sex in that order mostly) and you are too busy being social it is a waste.

Emotional,Intellectual, Social and Physical that in my opinion is the order in which most married women have their needs. For some Social and Physical may interchange and for some really sure ones the order might just be Physical, Intellectual, Social and Emotional. Most women would rather talk or hang out with a guy then be in bed with them. As long as you keep taking them out and keep them conversationally engaged (or better just keep listening for most women would rather talk day to day chit chat than discuss poetry or philosophy ) they are just fine. 

I personally feel the best mix is all four needs in the following order Intellectual, Physical, Emotional and Social. I can't imagine being with someone I can't have an exciting conversation with.

The most popular option out there would probably be Emotional/Social needs only or Emotional/Intellectual followed by Social/Physical. Rare, would be cases which start with Physical and these would be easy to identify.

Infidelity be it physical, emotional, intellectual or social (if we can count it) is a debatable thing and it is for an individual to decide which one is worse, whichever way it would be going forward we'd be seeing more of these in the times to come.

What Women Want....

"Nice guys don't finish last" read a poster on the sets of sitcom
Joey. In fact that's how I first got to know about the popular phrase
"Nice guys finish last".

Nice Guy is a term in the general public discourse and in popular
culture for a male with certain personality traits and behaviors.
Many traits, both positive and negative are associated with "nice guys".
These traits include sensitivity, agreeableness, pleasantness,
considerateness, respectfulness, altruism, understanding, kindness,
sympathy, dependability, honesty,trustworthiness, passivity,
sexual cautiousness or inexperience, chivalrousness, effeminacy,
passive-aggressiveness, conflict-avoidance, "wimpiness",
"spinelessness", being "whipped", manipulativeness and submissiveness.
-- Wikipedia

From my experience I feel girls/women in general do tag some guys
as "Nice Guys" and from what I've gathered, it essentially means
that women find these people Harmless, Helping, Caring, Comforting
and someone with whom they can share things close to their hearts
and be themselves.The chemistry that thus develops between girls
and "Nice Guys" is quite conspicuous and it gets people to start
thinking that Girls prefer "Nice Guys".Next and the obvious thing is,
guys trying to be nice or pretending(at times going out of the way)
to be nice. Till here it's as simple as ABC. But the climax of all this
is the question

"Whether nice guys are attractive to women or not".

Apparently there is a huge variance in women's stated preferences
and their actual choices in guys. That is they say and
show(or maybe believe) that they like "Nice Guys" but while
making a choice they often tend to do otherwise.

While one research claims that
"many 'Sensitive' men do not believe that women want 'Nice Guys'
due to their personal experiences" other says
"women are less likely to have sex with men who are 'nice' than
men who are 'not nice'" and another says
"women looking for long/committed relationships prefer the 'Nice Guys'"

By now your brain cells must have started firing and you
are thinking what's the real deal.. Now what if we add
"Women like when guys are nice to them,
but only when they don’t have to be" to the concoction ?

To make things worse add the concept of
"Nice Guys as Intellectual Whores".

Intellectual Whore (a man whom a woman befriends only for the
intellectual stimulation he gives her). A theory goes on to state that
women seek two things an aggressive sexual partner and an
intellectually stimulating or entertaining partner. It concludes
that if these qualities cannot be found in one single man, a woman
will seek out two (or more) separate men to fulfill all of her needs.
The nice guy only fits one of these categories.

and perhaps thus the above mentioned discrepancy between saying and doing.

Is there any set pattern or it differs from case to case ?
Whatever it be, but then can someone really say what goes inside
a girl's mind ?

Poll Time(girls only):
1) You meet two men. One, Rahul, is nice but somewhat shy and
has not had any affairs. The other, Ribhu, is attractive, a lot of fun,
and has had history with 3 women. Both wish to date you.
Whom do you choose?
2) Whom will you choose a nice guy or a fun/sexy guy ?

Trivia:
1) The term "Intellectual Whore" is derived from a short-story by
Woody Allen called The Whore of Mensa'.
2) "Women like when guys are nice to them,but only when they don’t
have to be" roughly translate into something like "Being Nice at
times but not always ..."
3) I am somehow reminded of a dialogue from the film
"Manorama 6 feet under"
"Yeh aurat bhi ajeeb hoti hai, agar galat marad mil jaye
toh saari zindagi roti rehti hai aur jo sahi mil jaye to usse
saari zindagi rulati rehti hai"

Links:
1) Nice Guy
2) The Nice Guy Paradox Solved
3) More on Whoredom
4) Average Frustrated Chump