Saturday, February 16, 2013

The Thing About Married Women

Disclaimer: The idea behind this post isn't to scandalize or judge anyone. It's just one of these things that I've thought about for a while. Nothing more and nothing less.

Why Married Women and not Married Men? Well, you know the answer already. *Most* married men tend to think more or less on the same lines. Which in short is "mauke pe chauka".

Married Women, however are a different species which come in almost as many varieties as you can think of. The context of this post is women who are on a lookout for something outside their marriage. One thing which me and a couple of my friends(with experience) agree to is that married women(on the lookout), take lying to a new level all together. While you can predict lies that married men might tell, you can't possibly imagine how married women could lie to get what they seek. They'll do things and plan things in such a way that their men would somehow end up feeling good about the whole thing than being uncomfortable. I've seen/heard a bit and I am shit scared of how this works.

While nearly everyone needs to know/connect/interact with different/new people various people take things forward differently.Women want men in their lives almost as much as men need women in theirs, it's the needs however which differ. As per my understanding the need to have opposite gender can be categorized into four categories.

  1. Physical
  2. Intellectual
  3. Emotional 
  4. Social
Apart from these four needs is another need for change/something new

When you are married (or even in a serious relationship) with someone, chances are that at most two or three of these four needs would be taken care of (exceptions of 4/4 are always there however rare). It is the missing need(s) from this need pyramid along with the universal need for new/change that are tricky.

Once you are missing something you need, first you unconsciously realize it and start seeking it and after a while you become aware of it consciously and get on a lookout. The four needs are self explanatory and many a times the seeker is aware(at some level of consciousness) of what they are looking out for. However, the other person in question, the friend/boy-friend etc has a tough time making sense of what's going on in their relationship or whatever you may call it.

Married women have their own ways of seeking the missing needs or having someone new in their lives.
Some of the ways include
  1. Social Networking Sites

    Connect with someone/many on Facebook etc. Keep liking, commenting(selectively) each others updates. Exchange pvt messages once in a while. That's the most the women will be comfortable with. No offline interaction, no meetings, no chances of being on the wrong side while still flirting with men
  2.  Messengers
    Whatsapp/BBM take things to the next level. For those women who feel comfortable with taking things to the next level will add the guy on their messenger and chit-chat with them as per their convenience. Replying at will, not texting at odd hours, being careful with the language they use are some of the precautions to avoid any untoward questions by the spouse

    Social Media and Messengers can have different comfort levels for different women, while for some having a new guy Facebook is ok while for some having him on BBM is better than having him on Facebook.
  3. Phone

    The more enthusiastic ones will avoid Social Media and/or Messengers (for the fear of being checked upon and not leaving an online trace) will prefer to keep things on phone. They are generally more sophisticated than the 1st and 2nd category ones. They precisely know what they are doing and what they want. Some ground rules like day/time restrictions aside they'll be the most comfortable on phone and will talk more openly.
  4. In Person

    This is where the game gets Real. Talking on phone, whatsapping or private messaging on Facebook is all in air and can things turn around anytime. You might get unfriended, blocked or even the phone number might change leaving the guy in question with little left. If 60% of women would back out before Phone level, about 40% of those who move to phone level will never make it beyond that.
If you are a guy, it would make a lot of sense(besides saving tons of hours) if you could get to level 3 and 4 early in the game. If she is taking a lot of time to get on phone or meet, chances are she might take forever to reach where you want her to. 

Married women hanging out with someone often is more likely than not going to lead to more things. As always, exceptions are there everywhere.  Whatever you do guys, try to identify which need of hers is she trying to find in you. This will save you a lot of time and disappointment, if you are looking to get laid.

If she is looking to be emotional while you are acting all intellectual or being interested in laying her, things, might never work out. Conversely, if she is in it for sex (though women generally tend to not need sex by itself. They need emotions and sex in that order mostly) and you are too busy being social it is a waste.

Emotional,Intellectual, Social and Physical that in my opinion is the order in which most married women have their needs. For some Social and Physical may interchange and for some really sure ones the order might just be Physical, Intellectual, Social and Emotional. Most women would rather talk or hang out with a guy then be in bed with them. As long as you keep taking them out and keep them conversationally engaged (or better just keep listening for most women would rather talk day to day chit chat than discuss poetry or philosophy ) they are just fine. 

I personally feel the best mix is all four needs in the following order Intellectual, Physical, Emotional and Social. I can't imagine being with someone I can't have an exciting conversation with.
The most popular option out there would probably be Emotional/Social needs only or Emotional/Intellectual followed by Social/Physical. Rare, would be cases which start with Physical and these would be easy to identify.

Infidelity be it physical, emotional, intellectual or social (if we can count it) is a debatable thing and it is for an individual to decide which one is worse, whichever way it would be going forward we'd be seeing more of these in the times to come.

Saturday, December 08, 2012

That Empty Feeling

It had to be a feeling of Eternal Return to get my blogging here. It's no surprise(not anymore) that I am feeling exactly the way I must have felt the last post on this blog.

I turned *Thirty* last month and this feeling is yet to sink. A thirty year old, single guy living in a metropolitan with his family. The guy next door on the crossroads of desires, love, family, ambition and adventure.

At times I try to think what would it be for not being me, being someone else.

What if I was Married?
What if I was in Love?
What if I was in a Job?
What if I was living away from my Family?
What if I had different friends?
What if I was following a different Passion?
What if infinitum...

Except there's no real way to know what it'd feel.

I am quite sure many of us go through this phase many a times in our lives, when we don't know

Why we are feeling this way?
Is it okay to feel like this?
What can I do to not feel this way?
Can I really avoid feeling like this?

I think it's not actually bad to be feeling a void in yourself. I can probably think of a few people who might never feel this void(or maybe they do but appear to be otherwise). But then I'd doubt if they are actually living life the way it is meant to be(at least as per me).

There are some many levers in our life and at times like these I don't know which ones to pull tight and which ones to loosen up.

There's a lot of work that needs to be done on me and by me. I just hope I get going with that....

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Eternal Return

Around midnight, sitting alone in my bedroom and listening to "Main Pal Do Pal" on youtube.

If there's a thing called "Eternal Return", this would have been my closest encounter with it. This is atleast the third time that this has happened to me, I've had a feeling of deja-vu, while watching that youtube video on my lappy on my bed with no one in my room and I am convinced that some things(if not all) repeat multiple times in your life.

It's a strange feeling, every time I enter that moment I am instantaneously reminded of all my previous encounters with it and surprisingly that part of my brain that stores this memory, lightens up just like that. I am totally clueless why this happens and what should I do about it. That feeling of being lonely deep down, that missing soul to soul connection is one of the reasons that I know exist. What could be the other reasons for it or what am I supposed to do about it, is what I wonder.....

Jane woh Kaise log the

Out of touch, out of share ?

Whether we like it or not, we all tend to share things first with our immediate/active circle(of friends) before inactive or slightly inactive(out of touch) one irrespective of whome we are closer too.

It might sound simple and obvious but it never fails to make me think, what does this mean and if this is a good thing etc. This means that if you are not in touch(regular) with your best friend or very close friend at some point in time and you feel like sharing something then you'll reach out for someone whose in touch with you(meets you, talks to you more often) instead of that close/best friend whose not in touch.

Firstly, does it happen with everyone ? Secondly, what do you think about it ?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Google Mother's Day Logo

Love Google's Mother's Day Logo

Friday, May 01, 2009

Humor @ Durex

Friday, April 24, 2009

Proprioception: Knowing where you are

"Proprioception is a distinct sensory modality that provides feedback solely on the status of the body internally. It is the sense that indicates whether the body is moving with required effort, as well as where the various parts of the body are located in relation to each other. " - Wikipedia

I bumped into this term while reading "The man who mistook his wife for a hat" and it some how caught up with me and is still stuck in my head. "Muscle Memory" as people commonly refer to it, is basically the sense that tells the mind the exact position of various body parts and what's their movement status. While we all hear of this term "muscle memory" numerous times and in all sorts of situations, we don't think too highly of it. Easily taken for granted like most other functionality that are powered by our brain, it's extremely helpful in being where we are and even a small damage to it can leave us in a sordid state. It could be painful situation when your brain doesn't know where a body part exactly is, to understand what I mean imagine that you have to look down at your feet while moving to see where/how they are or if you don't see any body part and try to control it, it just might be hanging vaguely or twisted in a painful position or something scarier.

I've been a student of Jazz dance for quite some time now(in my second stint), the total duration has been about a year or so now. One of the things we've been told from day one is to walk/dance(maybe sit, stand and even sleep) with your stomach pulled in (not relaxed and all over the place). Superficially speaking it's just about pulling your stomach but there's more to proprioception then just that. The point is that if you keep your body parts in a position for long enough, the brain will learn their new positions/locations and after some practice they will be the new default position for those parts. It's surprising how unaware we are about our body posture/parts and their default states. Unless someone points to us specifically we don't realize if our stomach is relaxed, or our shoulders are loose or hips are hanging(forgive the dx lingo) or worse the back(bone) isn't straight.

Discovering your body is a beautiful experience. It's a journey only a few lucky people get to take and being aware of where you are in space and what's good/bad about it, how can you align them to stay fit,look good etc is a truely great feeling. It's one of my many learnings at Danceworx, being aware of how exactly is your body aligned/placed as you do certain things. Stopping in middle of things to check what's the location/position of various body parts and how they should be instead. While other things will come and go, this vision of seeing your body as it is, is one of the wonderful things that I've experienced and learned, and I wish to carry this with me forever.

Do you observe your body enough to understand it ?

Monday, April 06, 2009

The Expectation Trap

For as long as I can remember I have this strange problem of expecting people(especially close friends) to do things in a way I would have done had I been in their place. Needless to say I've been disappointed more times than I remember or can count. On the face of it, it's not that big a deal to expect people to act in the way I would have acted had I been in their position, for ex: I need some help from close friend in a particular situation, then I would expect that close friend to help me to the extent in which I would have helped in had he been in my position but trust me, it's really a great deal(full of disappointments).

I get particularly fed up when people(read friends) fall way short of expectations and behave in the most weirdest of ways. Add to this the fact that through most of my life I've given equal(almost) importance to my friends and family but many a times I have felt let down upon. Maybe it happens with everyone but I certainly have had my share of such experiences. Be it closest of your friends or people who met you somewhere on the crossroads of life and happened to get along enough to hang out for few months or years. The sad bit being I am not yet able to identify any pattern in this and thus have run into such situations again and again. I hope I am not this way to anyone I know.

Last two months have been really hard for me, harder than anything I've ever been through and I expected people around me, especially those that matter to have behaved in a certain way but I have no qualms in accepting that I've been hugely disappointed. Barring a couple odd people, most people have let me(and my expectations) down to the extent that now I regret spending the time I spent with them. I am cool about all other things but the time I spent(read wasted) on them, hanging out with them, listening 'em out and if needed offering a helping hand in their hour of need(or breakup as in many cases).

I know I might sound over critical and rude but more often than not people suck at communicating. They just can't communicate. I still don't understand how can people be like that. Some of my supposedly good friends either didn't call me to ask how are things or did it just once/twice in the span of 60 days and only I know what did I got to hear from those who did.
It was a surprising(which might be and I hope too it's wrong) realization that people are way too out of world to handle crisis like situations because of limitations in which they see things and how they approach them(within a restricted realm of possibilities).

On sharing the above mentioned with a dear friend I was told that it all depends on the type of individual, some people who are helpful and likes will be supportive, caring etc with all their friends alike(irrespective of who spends more time with time) while those who aren't, will be the same i.e at a superficial level. It sounds like a logical thing to me and I guess that's the case but if that's the case 1) why didn't I realize those people are like that and 2) I don't think I need more people of that kind in my life.

Moral of the story: If you can't lower your expectations, lower the number of people who fall in the area of expectation to lessen disappointments.