Secondary Affairs aka Fallback Relationships

I've always been inclined to categorize relationships people share,like the one here Desperate Relationships. Relationships would arguably one of the most complex forms of social interaction as a LOT goes into getting them started and even more to keep them going. Many a times people who are into relationships don't on the surface know why they got into it, why they are still in it and if they are getting what they had in mind before getting in. Relationships here include Friendships too.

Most of the categorizes I put relationships into are a result of my own imagination so don't be surprised if Google doesn't offer more on these categories :)
I've been observing quite a few relationships around me for some time and have reached a conclusion that having "secondary affairs or fallback/backup relationships" has caught up lately. I doubt if things were this way sometime back.To get some context lets consider a few examples:

1) A girl doing her Post Grads and in a serious relationship(plans to get married) with a guy for a couple of years is great friends with another guy and shares things with him that she doesn't/cannot share with her boyfriend. Not only this on the physical plane they share mutual attraction towards each other(just short of the first step) but they aren't in a regular touch and the frequency of their contact depends on how her relationship is going with her boyfriend. Her Boyfriend doesn't have a clue about this.

2) A Casanova in his early twenties despite having numerous flings hasn't let go of a girl who loves him. He sets aside some time and space for her on a regular basis. This has been going on for some years now and should unless someone decides to take a decision.

3) A married women who can share things with another friend that she can't even think of sharing with her Husband. Every time she has an emotional low she runs to him(think Emotional whore).

4) Heard on FM: A married lady with a kid has got into relationship with a guy because he stimulates her intellectually more than her husband. She still loves her husband and gives some time(and other things off course) to this relationship.

These relationships have attributes of what can be called 'extra marital affairs', 'two timing' etc but the main point being that people are in not necessarily for their carnal desires and they don't want to let go of the secondary affairs because they know in some senses these relationships are a surprise ingredient in their primary relationships and thus the success of one is kinda dependent on the presence/success of other.

Some attributes of a secondary affair could be
1) Emotional/Intellectual/Physical backup
2) The subject chooses to keep the details to him/herself and his/her partner is for most parts unaware about the comfort/chemistry he/she shares in this other relationship.
3) The time and effort that goes into these relationships is quite less as to some extent both parties know how it fits into their scheme of things and probably that's why they look so attractive.

What people fail to realize in the "cushion effect" of secondary relationships is that they are instead of working on the problem and making effort in a lasting solution are opting for an easy way out and a solution that can be temporary at best and might cause more harm than good. Having said that I am afraid but I see more of these affairs/relationships in times to come.

The Love Problem of A Student - Part One

By a stroke of fate I ended up spotting, buying & reading Carl Jung's
"Aspects of the Feminine". Ever since I began reading it I've been completely lost in the ideas/thoughts presented in it and feel like spending more time wandering in those deep thoughts of human psyche. What follows below is an attempt for the same by quoting some of the ideas from a chapter titled "The Love Problem of A Student" which can serve as bookmark for the thoughts presented.

Love is a force of destiny whose power reaches from heaven to hell.
The bone of contention here is Love problem involving a student, what causes it and what becomes of it because unlike love between two adults marriage is not the socially/morally apt solution.

The discussion starts from the fact that why child marriages(marriage between two students) isn't particularly good. The most obvious reasons being lack of social, financial & psychological maturity and some practical problems concerning parents education and livelihood and child's upbringing. Since having children by a child marriage is not the best thing the discussion wanders to the importance of having children in a marriage and how they act like a cement between parents and prevent them to think on a purely individualistic/selfish terms.

Another interesting aspect of the whole discussion is the effect puberty and sexual maturity has on boys and girls. While in girls the sexual maturity comes gradually with time in boys there's an outburst of sexuality around onset of puberty but on the contrary the psychological maturity comes earlier to girls as compared to the boys of same age. "He now has the sexuality of a grown man with the soul of a child" quotes Jung.On the other hand most women get in touch with their sexuality much later and at times by accident.

"Often the flood of obscene fantasies and smutty talk with schoolfellows pour like a torrent of dirty water over all his delicate and childish feelings, sometimes smothering them forever. Unexpected moral conflicts arise, temptations of every description lie in wait for him and weave themselves into fantasies. The psychic assimilation of the sexual complex causes him the greatest difficulties though he may not be conscious of its existence. The onset of puberty also brings about considerable changes in his metabolism as can be seen from the pimples and acne that so often afflict adolescents. The psyche is disturbed in a similar manner and thrown off its balance. At this age the young man is full of illusions, which are always a sign of psychic disequilibrium. They make stability and maturity of judgment impossible.His tastes, his interests, his plans alter fitfully.He can suddenly fall head over heels in love with a girl, and a fortnight later he cannot conceive how anything of that sort could have happened to him. He is so riddled with illusions that he actually needs those mistakes to make him conscious of his own taste and individual judgment. He is still experimenting with life, and must experiment with it in order to learn how to judge things correctly. Hence there are very few men who have not had sexual experiences of some kind before they are married. During puberty it is mostly homosexual experiences, and these are much more common than is generally admitted."

Moving ahead the author says heterosexual experiences come later and are not always beautiful. Because of the sexual complex, sexuality is reduced to animal play with no psychological distinctions thus just about any women will do. Author further warns us not to draw conclusions about a man's character based on this, however many experiences of this kind bring negative influences to the personality of the concerned.
"The result is that though the man in question is outwardly a respectable citizen, inwardly he is prey to sexual fantasies of the lowest kind, or else he represses them and on some festive occasion they come leaping to the surface in their primitive form, much to the astonishment of the unsuspecting wife--assuming, of course, that she notices what is going on. A frequent accompaniment is premature coldness towards the wife."

These are some of the thoughts put forward by the author and I could relate A LOT to them. Could you ?

Next part would cover college-love affairs, how they effect personalities of those involved and the case with a student being involved with an older person.