Friends First ?

It's a fairly common(and apparently logical) belief that two people who share an intimate relationship(affair, marriage etc) should be friends first and lovers later. The premise being "It's important to connect as friends first(sharing, caring) and getting comfortable before going a level higher i.e Love". While it sounds like an ideal thing it's not really as good as it sounds especially if taken literally.

From my personal experiences and observations of people around I've learned that one(especially guys) should never really become friend friend with their girls and instead be boyfriend friend. Sounds confusing ? Ok, let me clear it a bit.

At the start of most relationships there has to be a different way of approaching things especially between two same aged people of opposite sex. It requires both to be frank, honest, understanding, accommodating, caring and so on. It's not only like putting your best foot(read nature) forward but in some cases also portraying traits that aren't even remotely yours. Getting back to the main point, guys somehow know that they have to be a girl's friend before being her boyfriend and that's what they start being. While there's nothing wrong with this approach but like most medicines the dosage needs to be precise to avoid its side effects i.e you have to be a friend only to the extent that the situation(or girl) requires and not over do it. When a guy starts being more and more friend like in order to either impress her or try and be a more mature, caring, understanding guy(maybe in his own eyes only) he starts loosing it all together for reasons and is more often than not being taken for granted.

It's human nature to stretch things until some signs of cracks start appearing. To put things in context for example if the girl you are trying to woo starts talking about her ex(or ex's) with you and you like a good boy that you are actively listen and participate in discussions. Not that it's wrong or anything but it BEWARE: UNLESS YOU PUT A FULL STOP OR SHOW THAT YOU DON'T REALLY APPRECIATE IT, GIRLS WILL NEVER REALIZE HOW DETRIMENTAL THIS IS(OR COULD BE) TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

While being understanding (and showing it) is good, here also if you try to understand everything like it's your duty(or that's what love is all about) you are in for some trouble. Because unless you are truly great you pot of patience and understanding will start overflowing and you'll end up feeling bad because you feel your partner doesn't really understand you and is only concerned about his/her convenience and priorities.

I've seen use and abuse of "friends first" in many cases with each one different from the previous one. From what I've gathered, it's perfectly OK(if not good) if you are friends with your lover to just to an extent and not in totality. It's ok if you tell her/him to not talk about this/that(read past relationships) too much. It's ok if you tell her/him to not get too friendly with x,y or z etc etc because from my observations people who rather than waiting for their patience, understanding to reach their threshold tell their partners much earlier what's cool and what's not cool with them end up fairing better than those who don't.