That Empty Feeling

It had to be a feeling of Eternal Return to get my blogging here. It's no surprise(not anymore) that I am feeling exactly the way I must have felt the last post on this blog.

I turned *Thirty* last month and this feeling is yet to sink. A thirty year old, single guy living in a metropolitan with his family. The guy next door on the crossroads of desires, love, family, ambition and adventure.

At times I try to think what would it be for not being me, being someone else.

What if I was Married?
What if I was in Love?
What if I was in a Job?
What if I was living away from my Family?
What if I had different friends?
What if I was following a different Passion?
What if ..ad infinitum...

Except there's no real way to know what it'd feel.

I am quite sure many of us go through this phase many a times in our lives, when we don't know

Why we are feeling this way?
Is it okay to feel like this?
What can I do to not feel this way?
Can I really avoid feeling like this?

I think it's not actually bad to be feeling a void in yourself. I can probably think of a few people who might never feel this void(or maybe they do but appear to be otherwise). But then I'd doubt if they are actually living life the way it is meant to be(at least as per me).

There are some many levers in our life and at times like these I don't know which ones to pull tight and which ones to loosen up.

There's a lot of work that needs to be done on me and by me. I just hope I get going with that....